Tuesday, October 18, 2005
i am so over it. like the VERY... shit. that sums it up to 5 miserable days. thinkin of her and not doin shit of work, bein at my wits end, gettin agitated and irritated fast, listening to some wierd music like missy higgins and that "you`re beautiful" song. something really amiss. i i tried the "tell others to forget it" method. sure as hell dosen't work. like duh. wtf did you expect? i cant even imagine telling her lah. i`ll probably faint or blackout or just utter some rubbish. how do you get balls to tell someone you like them? somemore i`ll be seiing her often for the next month. so its like dude, concentrate now, do well for your a levels. but i just cant get myself to study. prelims were demoralising enough and now THIS. now why is it always me? come to think of it, the same shit happened for my o levels. i kept seeing that sindhi chick in hindi school and all. and she was on my mind and could not study. but this is way different and way deeper. its not about the looks or what. its simply "ATTRACTION" of some sort. 8 months plus already. i kept is ALL TO MYSELF but no, no more. its like tearin me up from the inside... fuck.now my mom starts scoldin me again."does it look like u got an exam tomolo?" its a math mock mom. i cant be shit bothered. and with this on my mind, i cant be bothered about anything else. lets put it this way, if i tell her, i wont drink, smoke or be promiscuous for a very very long time, or maybe forever. but if i dont tell her by prom, then by Henry IV, i`ll literally become a druggie. fuck. i feel really like shit. i`ll stop swearing too i think.
-Aayush
