Saturday, November 26, 2005
thats what i have done literally the whole day. unusual of me though.. only do so when i get hurt REAL bad or and REALLY upset over something. but the funny thing is, i do not know WHY i am crying. wierd eh?. its like a mixture of emotions, anger, anxiety, boredom, complete sadness with a tinge of despair. Yet again, i prayed and randomly flipped open the Bible to find Gods message to this issue. The issue is rather simple though. 17yr old boy, likes someone, someone is not meant for him, he is trying to understand whats wrong with him, and will change himself for the better. But truely, God is great. even with such nonsence in my mind, not did i once contemplate of commiting suicide for more than a few seconds. i will get over this. I just need to occupy myself with other stuff. the party yesterday was BAD.. i smoked more than 15 sticks!! i ahve made a pact that i shall smoke NO MORE.. not a single stick. I GIVE THE RIGHT TO ANYONE WHO SEES ME DO SO TO SLAP ME REAL HARD. yes. O ya, this girl, whom i grew up with but she moved to australia came to visit singapore. and boy o boy, she looks really fine now. haha. and if i can estabilish myself well enough, then getting married to this one should be NO problem. unless of course she finds someone(but definatele not better) else. sigh. a big thanks to slow and fiona for being there. seriosuly. today i could have done ANYTHING.. absolutely anything. i am going to Church tomolo for the first time. pretty excited. sad though that i gotta lie to my parents and say i am going to my friends house(it is true, after curch i am going there). cant wait till i grow up and live alone. then i can do Whatever i want. let God shine the light to my feet and guide me down this winding path(especially down this current steep, wobbly, curve). Amen.
-Aayush
