Saturday, January 28, 2006
results gonna be out soon. it all comes back to haunt me.. like all those days when i should hav studied, all those times i should have shut up and listened. i know all this wont affect my results a bit. but still, i cant stop myself contemplating the consequences. its one of those days again. sigh. ubber depressed. i HATE it when the whole family is at home. the houses seems such a smaller place and both the tv and com are occupied. payday is on the 8th. cant wait. i want to help nadim and praveen but don noe how to. as in i can give the school their names and shit but its better if its done by their own initiative. i am super small now. skinny twiggy guy. my weight is 60 sumnthin.. i need to work out more. been running a lot with my friend. at pandan resevoir. its very beautiful.. seriously. been there 3 or 4 times already.. its a 6 km route around the resevoir. first time we jogged in 50 mins. then the next time we sorta jogged faster with a last 1 km sprint and finished in 40 sumthin mins. then on thurs, wah. we like freaking ran the whole thing in 30 mins. madness. my throat was damn dry and i wanted to really vomit and stuff after that. and my calfs are still tight. nvm. learnt how to play are you gonna be my girl bassline. kinda cool. but the chorus is hard. haha. i have returned to my old ways. sorta.. listening to a lotta slipknot, contemplating cuttin myself but now i just have the balls anymore. how sensitive i have become. i now always take EVERYTHING to heart. hurt by everything negative said to me.. clubbing is making me sick. i just get myself to like make out with drunk girls and shit like the rest do. dirty dancing and shit is fine. but like wtf? some guys just grind and fuck at clubs.grope the arse, then move it up around now hes on the breasts, then its kissing like theres no tomolo and all 4 hands are everywhere. it totally makes me sick. some idea of romance. i feel that true romance is like.. when you are at the table talking or havin a meal. the eye contact and face to face treatment is what its all about. but hu the hell am i? nvm. don think i`ll ever bring myself to such a state as to make out with some drunk bitch. i hope i dont. also, i cant understand how to ppl make themselves drink to such a extent that they cant even be normal. like their fwens must look after them and stuff and they fall and vomit and shit. i mean what in the name of Henry IV hapened to self control. damn it. i just feel like crying now for no apparent reason.. doen today. thinking of all that shit that has happend last year. But India was the best road to recovery from "Love" for me.. maybe i`ll write a post on that. but i doubt anyone would wanna read it.
-Aayush
