Thursday, January 19, 2006
lets get it straight. if u ask me whats wrong with me or why in the name of lalaland am I always so sad, then i will not have a answer to that. the thing is, i am one of those, who can`t be left alone. If I am with someone, i`ll tend to be happy and will be focused away from my thoughts and nonsense. No matter what the mood, it being even the best day of my life(i have had a couple of those) if I am am left alone, it`ll turn into a nightmare. It is then that the gym and the swimming pool come in handy. To vent out all my frustration and anger till i am so tired that i cant even move properly. And to think of the stupidity of it, all my issues are completely revolved around those of the oposite sex. al it does is to show my complete immaturity in thoses matters. Its liek u like her, and wanna turn it in to something but the answer is always no, so you see whats wrong in you, change yourself, go for another shot but nope, STILL not good enough. till now, it dawns upon you that what u are disliked for is soemthing you just cant change. Like your race, your personality( you can change it but only for a while, and sooner or later, your true self will emerge again), your thoughts and choices, your appearance(can be changed to a certain extent but i feel the foundations can't be even touched). So at the end of it all, what can you do? Just look and walk away, knowing there are thousands who are better than you out there. WE all are just born, grow slowly increasing our dry mass and carbon content, develop and mature according to not our wil, but the influences from society and the upbringing from our family, thus, making each individual from our world of 6 billion unique from everyother. But at the end of the day, when we die, no matter what our age, we are either buried or burnt, and completely forgotten. it may be argued that we might be remembered thru the generations of our families or whatever, but do we, the deceased get anything out of it? Will our "souls" feel a sense of satisfaction when we are praised or pain when we are remembered for all the wrong reasons? I doubt so. So What do we do? well, we can either just sit and whine and be complete idiots. or we can do what we have been doing, ust resting on hope that everything will be completly fine and justified. and that everything happens for a reason. i am not a sceptic or anything, just trying to argue why we should believe. and simply why? cause in doin so we gain much more and seem generaly happier. yup. so God is good all the time, he put a song of praise in this heart of mine.
-Aayush
