Thursday, March 02, 2006
If death was so bad.
Why isn't life good?
I've been a stain,since my childhood.
I'm not a liver,
I'm a dreamer.
A dreamer of a lifeless life.
I have a hope,
I'm a hopeful loser.
I'm a hopeful loser in a hopeless life.
Still feel real shitty about the fucking results.. found my slipknot cd and listened. downloaded their new songs and listened. its like every fucking ten mins i will shed tears to douse some fire. some shit ass fire i did not even start. i am the forsaken, the forgotton. i wont say shit for nothing. if its true that we get what we deserve, then tell me, what the fuck did i do wrong? nvm. everything seems so fucked. its like in one moment, on march 1st, s sudden darkness spread over my fucking mind. i feel so angry, perplexed, ugly, unwanted, etc. basically, FUCKED up. If God exists show me a sign? don leave me here to fucking die. sat down with my pen knife blade on the floor yesterday. but just could not do it. did not even make the surface cuts i used to make. but the anger level is rising. the boiler is steaming. the insanity is overcoming. i feel like the worst piece of shit on the fucking planet. everything just falls to pieces. it just fucking comes to a standstill. Its like the train has stopped and its time for you to fuck off.
-Aayush
